Routine Brings Balance

Routine Brings Balance

“Your Future is Found In Daily Routine” – Paula White

In my last post, I wrote a little about my struggle with emotional detachment. I also wrote about some things I am doing to help me reconnect with my emotions. One thing that is helping me out is having a morning routine. I see many quotes about how a routine is not useful for the soul, but it is excellent for mine. I wanted to take a little bit of time and tell you more about my routine.

The first thing that is like clockwork for the hubby and me is gym time. I go to the gym three days a week, super early in the morning. I love going to the gym early in the morning, it helps me get a great start on my day, and there is no one there! It is incredible not to have to wait for machines or have tons of interruptions with people trying to talk with us. Since this is how I am beginning my day, I want to launch on the right foot. I enjoy starting my day with good teaching or preaching! I have been listening to Todd Cook from Sagebrush Church or Skip Heitzig from Calvary Chapel’s podcasts. Both churches are out of Albuquerque, NM. All my time on the road and these two hometown pastors are still my number ones!

When I get home, I have a little time to myself before the kiddos get up. The next thing I do is yoga. I have just been doing 10 to 15-minute yoga stretches every day. I do these on non-gym days too. My favorite morning yogi to follow along with has been Yoga with Kassandra on YouTube. She does a lot of short morning stretches, and they are easy to follow. Yoga has helped me to feel more connected to myself and more connected with my Lord. I think stretching our bodies and setting a positive mindset for the day is a great way to focus our minds in the morning. 

After I have worked out my muscles and stretched out my body, I like to meditate. I was using Abide to listen to a 10 to 15-minute Christian mediation, but since school has started, I am a little short on time, so I have switched to doing the daily devotional on my YouVersion bible app. They do a morning and evening devotional that has about eight slides, and it is a great way to center your mind on God’s word.

Since school has started, I haven’t had much time for the last part of my morning routine, reading. My oldest is in high school now. I haven’t mentioned it, but my daughter is no longer homeschooling. She is going to school! I am a fish out of water, and I was a mess. But you better believe I prayed about it. I asked Jesus to watch over my baby, and do you know what he said to me? He said, “that is my baby.” I was humbled. I praised Him. She is His, I trust Him with our baby. Anyways, since school has started, I haven’t been able to find time for reading, but I miss it so much. I love to read. Reading is my guilty pleasure, something for me to enjoy. Now I will have to make time somewhere else in my schedule. Starting my day by working on my physical and spiritual health has been such a tremendous help. Especially in the weird emotionless period, I have been navigating.

These are all my favorite things to do in the morning. Do you have a morning routine? What advice can you give about finding time to read?

Loss, Control, and Healing

Loss, Control, and Healing

Repeat After Me, Emotions make us human.

It’s been just about two months since I lost my gram. I haven’t been able to deal with my feelings about it. So this is hard for me to share, as you know, I am not comfortable with sharing. It makes me want to hide in a hole, but I have been at a loss for words for a bit trying to figure out some things.

I struggle with emotions, feeling things, facing things. Things that make me uncomfortable or sad. So much of my life is out of my hands, I pray, and I trust God, but it’s still hard sometimes. I couldn’t deal with losing my gram. I was already bottling up so much, and losing my gram was too much. I shut down emotionally. I hate feeling sad or helpless. I hate crying. I had always felt weak when I cried. I know its ridiculous. So I just shut off my feelings, so I don’t have to deal with them. What I did not anticipate was that I wouldn’t feel anything at all anymore. No emotions. None. I knew how I was supposed to feel, but I just felt nothing.

I have been on a mission to recover my emotions. To be honest, I did not want to. At first, I was ok with not feeling anything except I didn’t feel happy either. Just numb. Jesus made it quite clear to me that holding out on my feelings rather than letting Him have them was not ok. He showed me that I was not giving up all of me. I had tried to take control of my emotions myself. So, I have found a way to help reinstate my emotions through prayer, yoga, Christian meditation, and journaling. I sort of feel better, but I didn’t know how much it was helping until I played Roberto Griego while I made breakfast Saturday and couldn’t hold back the tears. If you haven’t heard of him, he is a New Mexico music artist. I always played his music for my gram when we were together, running errands, or getting ice cream.

I have never been so happy to feel sad in my whole life. I miss her so much. Losing someone that meant the world to you is so hard whether you are a Christian or not. Knowing she is in Heaven is terrific, but she’s still not here. I miss her laugh. I miss her jokes. I miss squeezing her little tiny shoulders and kissing her cheek. These are all things I can feel sad about now. It’s a strange thing to be happy about, but when you have been numb for so long, it feels good to feel something.

I know that my emotions play a unique role in my life, and by putting myself on autopilot and turning them off, I am not taking an active part in my life. I am learning to deal with them, live in them, and work on being ok with shedding a tear or two if it helps me feel something. I know I will see my gram again, and that is a hope I can find some peace in.

I love and miss you so much Gram!